“Imago Relationships…last forever!”

What is the Imago and Imago Relationship Therapy?

Imago Relationship Therapy, a clinical model of couples psychotherapy developed by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., recognizes that the inherent nature of human beings is what Jung described as a "push towards wholeness". That wholeness contains qualities of a self actualized person: spontaneity and creativity, acceptance of one's self and others, an ability to tolerate and even welcome uncertainty in life, a need to have both solitude and deep intense relationships, a sense of humor, caring and compassion for others, inner direction, and an open and fresh attitude toward life.

Throughout our development as human beings, that wholeness is fragmented, particularly through early experiences in relationships with our caretakers, and results in a very significant impact on both our choice of a marriage or relationship partner and the dynamics of all our adult relationships. The ultimate goal of the work that couples do in Imago Relationship Therapy is to assist each other in repairing the aspects of our original state (at birth) that have been wounded, injured, denied, disowned, or simply lost. The goal is thus to reclaim the full aliveness of our whole Self so that it can more passionately and vibrantly express itself in our life and in our relationships.

Imago Relationship Therapy, originating in the partnership of Harville Hendrix, Ph.D. and Helen LaKelly Hunt, Ph.D., integrates the seminal interpersonal insights of major Western psychological systems, behavioral sciences, and spiritual disciplines into a uniquely comprehensive theory of primary love relationships. Developed from the exclusive study of couples, it presents an approach that builds on and extends previous efforts.

The "Imago" is a composite image in the unconscious mind of the significant character traits and behaviors of childhood primary caretakers. By pairing us with an "Imago Match" - an individual who is like our caretakers in emotionally significant ways - our unconscious drives us to re-create our childhood psychological dynamics in an attempt to heal the central wounds we carry. The process of Imago Relationship Therapy is aimed at using this context to transform relationships into a therapeutic encounter and fuel for each partner's psychological and spiritual self-completion.

Imago Relationship Therapy utilizes a variety of clinical procedures to teach couples, and singles desiring an intimate union, to identify their defenses against intimacy and to understand the unconscious forces that influence partner selection and contribute toward flawed relationships. Goals of the therapy include: identifying frustrations rooted in primitive and illusory ideation of one's love partner; recognizing the failure of archaic behavior to gratify needs and achieve self-completion; and perceiving one's partner realistically without the encumbrance of one's own unconscious projections. Another important aspect of the Imago process involves learning new skills to help in gradually changing behaviors hurtful to one's partner. A core skill is a three-part dialogue that helps break out of self-centeredness and which promotes differentiation and compassion for the other. Therapy is ultimately made obsolete as each partner becomes a skilled advocate and "container" for the other's growth process. The Imago process, when consistently applied in any relationship, has the potential to be a transformative journey toward mutual healing and maturation.